Cabaret Sports Bar & Grille

Obvious from the second this pizza was laid in front of me—with no plate or silverware and cut into squares—my expectations dropped from their already abysmal starting point. To be fair, this restaurant is named after something it did not provide and could easily be called “Generic Sports Bar #29.” I digress; the subject of this review is not the misnomer of the establishment but the quality of the pizza, which everyone knows is the pinnacle of sports bar and grill cuisine.

To my surprise, the menu had an entire page of ten specialty pizza options named things like Cyclone, Hawk, and Jaguar. These are all staple names in my area as they represent local sports teams. So, nothing to note there; I went with the Spinach and Artichoke, as it was one of the three options that did not contain pepperoni—a glaring mistake in the menu.

With no crust options, my assumption is that all pizzas come on the thin cardboard crust mine was served on. It was passable at best and completely devoid of flavor. The toppings provided almost no additional taste over the mountain of mozzarella melted on top. Determining if there was actually an artichoke sauce, as the menu described, was perplexing. While not as salty as many pizzas I've had, the flavor could have been improved with even a hint of cheddar. The texture was also that of mushed oatmeal, save for the cardboard crust, which had a spongy inside but a wet cracker exterior.

This isn't a pizza place, and the “Cabaret” in the title is a misnomer, but they do allow dogs on the patio, so that is a win. The company I had while eating this pizza undoubtedly improved my mood, as it was a lovely meal spent with my love. You won’t be disappointed with this Spinach and Artichoke pizza, but you certainly won’t be impressed. It deserves a non-enthusiastic pass, and not a bad option to pick should you find yourself at this restaurant. As long as they fix their cut into squares issue.

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